Our fertility journey

*WARNING! Long post with possible over sharing :)

I have received several emails and messages over the past few months asking how I got pregnant with Bodie. It is no secret, at least to many, that I struggled to get pregnant and endured infertility. I have not gone into very much detail about that journey and how exactly I was able to conceive, so I thought I would share my story to give hope to others who are struggling to conceive. Let me first start by saying, it was the best decision of my entire life to take the route I did. My miracle baby is more than I could have ever imagined! I know that fertility treatments may be controversial for some, so if you don't agree with it or will have negative things to say please stop reading now. Thank you!

Our journey started almost right after we got married in Sept of 2010. I knew it might take some time to get pregnant because my cycles were far from regular, in fact they were non existent. You can't get pregnant without a cycle! So in Decemeber 2010 I saw my OB in hopes that we could figure out why I was not cycling. We did blood work and it confirmed that my hormones were basically shut off. No communication was being sent from my brain to my ovaries telling them to release the needed hormones. My OB basically told me that in order to get pregnant, I would need help. I was referred to a fertility specialist called a Reproductive Endocrinologist. We wound up seeing an incredible doctor at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM) where many women from around the world fly in to get treated (celebrities have even braced their presence many times there). I lived a short 10 min from the world renowned fertility center, so I felt lucky to have this resource! I saw Dr. S and he did a complete blood work up along with other testing. It was found that I had Hypothalamic amenorrhea (HA). Basically what my OB told me but now it had a name.

How did I get HA? In short, it stemmed from my eating disorder and many years of running without properly fueling my body. When you don't consume what you need, the first to shut down in your body to conserve energy is your reproduction. I was still at a fairly low weight at this point, but I was never advised to gain weight. However, I found a great online community that had MANY success stories from women who overcame their HA battle and were able to conceive. The trick that helped? Gaining weight. So even though the doc didn't mention I needed to gain, I went on a mission to do so.

Summer of 2011- I had gained 10 pounds and went on a protocol to start pumping hormones back into my body to prep it for a possible pregnancy. I cycled with estrogen and progesterone for 3 months before I was allowed to try fertility meds to get pregnant. I got through those 3 months and was ready to try the meds! I was elated and popped my first pills of Clomid with excitement. Then I found out I didn't respond to the meds and my ovaries were still very quiet. Defeated.

Instead of trying oral meds for several cycles and wasting money and time, Dr. S suggested we break out the big guns and go with injectable hormones. Whoa. Are we ready for this? I was just about to start student teaching and was not sure it would be the best timing, but after much discussion we realized it can still take a couple cycles for the meds to work. So we went for it.

August 2011-My protocol included injecting LH/FSH hormones through a medication called Menopur. To do this, I had to give myself a shot with a tiny needle every evening until I produced several mature follicles. This could be anywhere from 3-20 days. I believe it took me 10 days of injecting Menopur for it to work and my body responded nicely with several follicles (follicles are where the eggs are contained until ovulation). I had to go in every other day to get my blood work checked and have an ultrasound, however, to make sure I was not OVERstimulating and end up with tons of eggs- we didn't want to be the next Octomom! I was close to overstimming, but we backed off on meds and only had 2 mature follicles ready to ovulate. Now we had to get my body to ovulate these eggs so I had to inject HcG (yes, the pregnancy hormone) to tell my body to release the egg. After this was done, you just sit back and wait for 2 weeks to see if 1. the egg is even fertilized and 2. if it implants into the uterus. Lots of factors to achieve a pregnancy!! Unfortunately I did not get pregnant :(

September- December 2011- We did this protocol for 4 more cycles, one of which ended in an early miscarriage. During this time, we went through a roller coaster of emotions. Excitement at the start of each cycle in hopes we will get pregnant. Then feeling deflated and despair as each cycle failed. It was taking a toll on my body as well because the hormones were causing unwanted side effects and we all know excessive female hormones are not fun! All this during my student teaching as well so no shortage of stress there! By the time Christmas rolled around we needed a break. I just graduated with my Masters in Elementary Education and wanted to enjoy the Holidays without the stress of trying to get pregnant. I also decided to gain more weight in hopes it would help and I really watched my exercise. While we were on our "break", I actually had my first natural cycle! I ovulated on my own, with no meds! I was told I would never achieve a natural cycle.

January 2012 However, the excitement of a natural cycle was short lived as I did not have a normal cycle the next month, January, or in February so it was a one time deal. After this needed break, we decided to re-evaluate with Dr. S and start trying with meds again.

March 2012- We were both ready! This time we decided to combine oral meds with injectable meds. Dr. S suggested we take a safer med with less side effects than Clomid so we opted for Femara. We combined this med with Menopur and I had a very nice response. And I got a positive pregnancy test from it!! However, I started to miscarry almost immediately and my Hcg levels dropped. We were crushed and ready to give up. I told Andrew that I could only take one more medicated round then we need to take a serious break. It was taking a toll on us physically and emotionally. I also decided to devote myself to serious prayer where I spent A LOT of time meditating and praying for God's Will be done and asked for his timing, not mine and to give me peace around it.

April/May 2012- We proceeded with the same protocol- Femara oral meds and Menopur injectables. I responded with only one follicle, already a blow because your chances of conceiving go up the more mature follicles you have. We triggered ovulation and the nurse told me that she was not very hopeful this cycle would work and said better luck next time. Thanks lady. Not something you tell a women who has been through the ringer trying to get pregnant. This was our 7th medicated cycle and we were beat. Neither Andrew and I felt hopeful either so we already chocked this cycle out the window. We continued to pray for God's guidance. The two week you have to wait to find out if you are pregnant are the longest 2 weeks EVER! Mothers day landed in this 2 week wait, and I remember sitting in church on the verge of tears when my pastor asked all the mothers to stand. I felt soooo deflated and angry and sad and soooo many other emotions. Then the day progressed and I felt a sharp cramp in my uterus. Great. My period is about to start. Another failed cycle. I started bleeding a bit that afternoon and we headed over to my mom's house for dinner. I was in a very down mood, but for some reason I had this weird feeling that something was up. The next day my appetite was ravenous, but I was too scared to test. By this point I should have had a full blown period if I spotted the day before. Then Tuesday came, and more spotting. I decided to take a chance a test.

I can't even describe the feelings I had when that second line popped up! Hubby was still sleeping...and you better believe I ran into bed and jumped on him! I"M PREGNANT! I called Dr. S (oh wait, I called a dear friend Ms. Jaclyn first!) right away so I could get a blood test which came back with a healthy Hcg number and my progesterone was in the 60's so I knew this was different. I was completely scared out of my mind for the next few weeks until we were able to hear the heart beat and see that tiny flicker on the screen. That was the beginning of the the most amazing journey I have ever been on! And that my dear friends, is how Bodie came to be :) By the way, that cramping I had on Mothers Day was most likely the fertilized egg implanting into my uterus- the very day I though I would never become a mother was in fact the day I did. How is that for awesome!

9 months later (January 29, 2013 to be exact!) we enjoyed this -

Wow! I had so much fun re-living that journey and remembering the leap of faith we took at the end and finally surrendering to God. I have noticed a theme in my life- whenever I finally FULLY surrender to God and give up the control is when I find peace and prayers are answered. Hopefully giving Bodie a brother or sister won't be AS difficult, but I am prepared to battle again! How is my cycle now? My body has already geared up several times for cycling but since I am still breast feeding a normal cycle may not return until I stop. But the gearing up is a good step in the right direction.